Two Hacks That DO. NOT. WORK For This ADHD Creative And One That Does
An ode to no longer blindly chasing the perfect hack
If you’ve lived any of your life on the internet in the last twenty years you are aware of the existence of hacks:
THREE THINGS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
TWENTY-FIVE TINY THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER HUMAN!!
TWELVE DOZEN MICRO CHANGES THAT IF IMPLEMENTED IN THE CORRECT ORDER EVERY DAY WILL MAKE YOU MORE EFFICIENT, MORE POSITIVE, AND PRETTIER!!!
{Sorry not sorry for the ALL CAPS -
It’s basically an internet law that all hacks must be screamed via capitalization.}
I was in my early thirties struggling with postpartum depression and undiagnosed ADHD when I had a moment of clarity. Most, if not all, of these “hacks” were written by dudebros in their early twenties who had nothing but theirselves and their protein consumption / workout regimen to think about. And that’s fine, more power to them. But that moment of realization gave me the insight that I needed to be a better media consumer.
Wanting to be better? Fine.
Blindly following any rule without giving context to the life happening around it? Not okay. Detrimental- actually.
In my last few posts I have shared things that have helped give my brain the structure it needs to work in a space that has almost none, i.e. writing a novel, creating an encouraging space online. But this is me being super vocal about the fact that one person’s solution is never a one size fits all band-aid.
To show that, here are two commonly held beliefs that don’t work for me.
A Creative Needs to Work in a Creative Space!
Writers can write anywhere, right? Give her a laptop or a journal and maybe some caffeine and she’s good to go. Right?
Actually… not really. The more I learn about emotional regulation, I’m realizing that my brain works best at home. Not because it’s more creative than any other place but because my brain feels safest there. As if, by not worrying about the logistics of where to go, what to order, what my budget looks like, and how long I’m using their seating… I can actually think about the imaginary worlds I am trying to create.
Coffee meetings are the best!
As an introvert who loves people but does most of her work solo - coffee meetings are the best, right? They give her time to catch up and stay connected to people in her vicinity so that she’s aware of all the things of which she surely needs to be aware. Right?
Truthfully: Coffee meetings are the best and are also exhausting. I specifically remember trying to get multiple hangouts in while Sam went to a three hour daycare as a baby. I would be exhausted juggling the logistics of each meeting and the emoting of each meeting and to top it off, feeling the guilt that I had “wasted” perfectly good work time, ie. I got nothing tangible accomplished.
The way I handle this now is that I give myself a single time period on a particular day each week to meet up with people I adore/want to catch up with personally professionally etc. If they can’t make that day happen this week or next week I generally keep moving a week out, because my body/brain likes regularity and my Friday hangs are the best way to make that happen.
Here’s something that does work: Body Doubling
For those who don’t know- body doubling is the ADHD equivalent of your older kid asking you to sit with them while they play with their boats in the bathtub. They don’t want you to play with them. They don’t need anyone watching them for safety. They want someone in their general vicinity; you’re simply there to be their emotional support human.
Body doubling is the same. You’re both there because it’s easier to do a something when you have someone near you. As an ADHD-er who struggles with executive function, getting started (especially when there’s no hard deadline) is particularly tough for me. Things that require me to do something out of my comfort zone is especially tough.
So when I needed to reach out to strangers about childcare references and set up interviews for these same folks, I asked my friend Claudia to body-double with me that day.
Here’s the thing about body doubling: You’re not there to “catch up” so this is actually done best with a person who you are friendly but not quite “friends” with.
As I type this out: I’m coming to terms to how true this statement feels for me. I feel like I am friends with Claudia: if her house burned down tomorrow I’d let her and her spouse come live with me, no questions asked. But she started out as a friend of a friend who I got to know as she built a website for me. We don’t talk on a super regular basis but when we do it’s encouraging and meaningful.
Despite all of this, or maybe because of it, when we do body double with one another we do it knowing that the point of our meeting (which often happens in a coffee shop - which is how this entire post loops back in on itself) is simply to support each other by working side-by-side.
She designs, I make a list.
She designs, I write down questions.
She designs, I text strangers.
We both cover our laughs as the man beside us talks loudly toward his computer.
She designs, I send phone calls to voicemail and text them that I can’t answer at the moment.
It’s not a coffee shop date, and yet it happens at a coffee shop.
It’s not a catch up, but we are hanging out.
We silently work away with the knowledge that someone being there is simply just the kindest, most gentle form of peer pressure.
What about you:
What are your hacks / creative people assumptions that just don’t work for you? Share them with me below or, if this has landed in your inbox, hit reply.
ps. Here are those ADHD focused posts in case you missed them:
INSERT LINK HERE
